Now I know how much it pained you to see me like this. I don't blame you at all. I'm too wilful to be tamed. I'm totally deserving of that harsh lashing, you're totally true, I must admit. And trust me, it's not going to affect our friendship in the least. I'm glad to have you around, I really do. But perhaps I'm just not up to it, reaching for the expectations you've set for me. There're times really when giving up seems a better backdoor out of this whole ideological mess. This internal strife I've caused myself, its just like digging my own grave with my bare hands then complaining of the dirt that stained my hands. Yet I see myself lamenting this predicament that's apparently set up by myself, by my own bare hands. It must really have shattered you to see me in this desperate state. And I see myself, as a recruit down in the list of my own most dreaded list of attributes one should never have. Now this Coup de grace you've delivered, it's like a cross drilled through my chest. I'm sorry, I must really have hurt you real badly this time.