It's a desperation I have never ever felt before, not even a bit close to it even. As I get my answer. An answer that I know will come but never wanted to accept. I can almost see the floodlight in my life abruptly switched off, my slightest of hope just fleeted away. No one could fathom what I was going through and I can't let anyone know. The invisible force of helplessness so strong reeled the insides of me, cemented ceiling of truth and reality within my life just tore down as vulnerably like mudhouses against the violence of the Haiti earthquake. Choices placed in front of me are choices I've never wanted, but I have to make a choice. I couldn't push it away this time, its real, and its urgent. Very urgent. But I need to make this life changing decision, within a time thats impossibly short. The thought of this gambling involving stakes concerning a life, or lives that you love so much, made me shudder. The longer my mind takes to work could just meant a huge plunge in the percentage of my chances each day. I couldn't help myself without any resources that might even suggest a bit of a help, and money would definitely be out of the question. Help? Nobody must find out. But somebody needs to find out, and help me. I couldn't wear my heart on my sleeve in front of others for sure. I have a timebomb strapped around me right now. "There must be a way out now..", I try connecting to my mind but all I can only receive, blank answers.
God, help me..